Sex & The Curvy Girl - YourTango
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Thursday, May 7, 2009
Missed it by that much
Ok, so by now, we've all heard/read about Dirk Nowitzki's baby mama drama.
Here's the latest thing I have convinced myself of: I am about 5.5 degrees of separation away from this story.
Back in about 2006 or so, I was the web site editor for a then-daily free publication aimed at 18-34 year-olds. Part of my job was to go to Dallas Mavericks' practices at AAC and record podcast interviews with a couple players.
The best day ever? The Day Dirk Smiled at Me. I even went all Angela Chase about it in my journal that night.
I was standing out of the way of the long limbs and bouncing balls, and apparently near the bathroom. I was setting my recorder when I looked up and Mr. N. was coming straight for me. Or, rather straight for the bathroom.
And ... he smiled at me. And said hi. That was it. He was just being nice or friendly. But still. (My journal says it was "a genuine smile, not a move-it-chippy-I-have-to-pee" disdainful acknowledgment.)
And ... what did I do? What I always do: Smile the Cheekbone Special, said hey and looked down. (I only reached up to his waist and it was kind of embarrassing, what with him on his way to the bathroom and all. I didn't want to be that in the way. Plus, I was "on the job" and you know, ethics and whatnot.)
Who knows? That could have been it, the moment that saved both of us a hell of a lot of trouble with the opposite sex.
Anyway. What're you gonna do? Sliding doors and all that.
Here's the latest thing I have convinced myself of: I am about 5.5 degrees of separation away from this story.
Back in about 2006 or so, I was the web site editor for a then-daily free publication aimed at 18-34 year-olds. Part of my job was to go to Dallas Mavericks' practices at AAC and record podcast interviews with a couple players.
The best day ever? The Day Dirk Smiled at Me. I even went all Angela Chase about it in my journal that night.
I was standing out of the way of the long limbs and bouncing balls, and apparently near the bathroom. I was setting my recorder when I looked up and Mr. N. was coming straight for me. Or, rather straight for the bathroom.
And ... he smiled at me. And said hi. That was it. He was just being nice or friendly. But still. (My journal says it was "a genuine smile, not a move-it-chippy-I-have-to-pee" disdainful acknowledgment.)
And ... what did I do? What I always do: Smile the Cheekbone Special, said hey and looked down. (I only reached up to his waist and it was kind of embarrassing, what with him on his way to the bathroom and all. I didn't want to be that in the way. Plus, I was "on the job" and you know, ethics and whatnot.)
Who knows? That could have been it, the moment that saved both of us a hell of a lot of trouble with the opposite sex.
Anyway. What're you gonna do? Sliding doors and all that.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Perfect ... on paper
Sigh.
So here's the thing: There are two sweet, super-nice guys revolving in Dahlia's world who are absolutely perfect ... on paper.
They are employed, intelligent, funny, personable, interesting and (possibly) interested, but that's it. Missing are the sparks, the light head, the weak knees, the Oh-my-God-look-at-that-man dumbfoundedness.
Is that a bad thing? Is it really that horrible if it is? Mom would love them to pieces. I probably could too if I had to for some arranged-marriage or family event thing. But that's about it. I'm big on the weak knees. Otherwise, we're just -- gasp! -- friends.
Question: Is perfect on paper enough? Can you work up to want? Should you have to? What say you?
So here's the thing: There are two sweet, super-nice guys revolving in Dahlia's world who are absolutely perfect ... on paper.
They are employed, intelligent, funny, personable, interesting and (possibly) interested, but that's it. Missing are the sparks, the light head, the weak knees, the Oh-my-God-look-at-that-man dumbfoundedness.
Is that a bad thing? Is it really that horrible if it is? Mom would love them to pieces. I probably could too if I had to for some arranged-marriage or family event thing. But that's about it. I'm big on the weak knees. Otherwise, we're just -- gasp! -- friends.
Question: Is perfect on paper enough? Can you work up to want? Should you have to? What say you?
Interesting ....
6 Ways That Porn Runs The World
This world is rife with moral decay. Doubters need only look to the vacant church pews and surging Cracked readership for confirmation. That, and the fact that the porn industry utterly dominates all others.
Think we're exaggerating? We've got the numbers to back it up. As big as you think porn is, it's bigger, and its influence on modern society is deeper. As Jules Verne once said, "Some day, this whole thing is gonna be titties."
And ....
The 6 Raunchiest, Most Depraved Sex Acts (From the Bible)
What happens when you take a really skanky sex story and dress it up in a lot of flowery words? You get the Bible. Or large chunks of it, anyway.
Sure, rather than using phrases such as "reverse frog squat," or "slinging manjam," Biblical sex is referenced almost exclusively as "coming in unto" (a phrase still used by porn stars who tend to drop the "in unto"). But once you get past the unimaginative verbs, the Bible has some nasty, nasty stories.)
This world is rife with moral decay. Doubters need only look to the vacant church pews and surging Cracked readership for confirmation. That, and the fact that the porn industry utterly dominates all others.
Think we're exaggerating? We've got the numbers to back it up. As big as you think porn is, it's bigger, and its influence on modern society is deeper. As Jules Verne once said, "Some day, this whole thing is gonna be titties."
And ....
The 6 Raunchiest, Most Depraved Sex Acts (From the Bible)
What happens when you take a really skanky sex story and dress it up in a lot of flowery words? You get the Bible. Or large chunks of it, anyway.
Sure, rather than using phrases such as "reverse frog squat," or "slinging manjam," Biblical sex is referenced almost exclusively as "coming in unto" (a phrase still used by porn stars who tend to drop the "in unto"). But once you get past the unimaginative verbs, the Bible has some nasty, nasty stories.)
Poor flirting techniques
Now I in no way pretend to be a Master Flirtress. Though I have my doe-eyed moments, Miss Funnygem owns that particular title and tiara.
That said, like most women, I do know abysmally horrendous flirting techniques when I can't escape ...um, see them. Such as:
The Bedroom Voice
This is when a potential Person takes on a whispery, low, droney voice in normal conversation with the express goal of making you stand uncomfortably closer to him to hear what he's saying. What makes Bedroom Voice even more creepy is the mind-bending fact that you know this voice would sound better wrapped around words and phrases like "spank me" and "oh yeah that feels soooo good."
It doesn't sound so good asking how your email works after the migration.
Another bad flirting technique:
____ by Association
I say "______" because you can fill this is as needed. For me it's mostly "Ghetto" and/or "That Black." I shall explain.
A guy at old Prestonwoon Mall back in the day actually used these words when flirting with me: Nubian queen; hair like wool; what hood you claim?
I am just not that girl. I get that. I'm fine with that. Sadly, I look like that kind of girl, so I get this a lot.
That said, like most women, I do know abysmally horrendous flirting techniques when I can't escape ...um, see them. Such as:
The Bedroom Voice
This is when a potential Person takes on a whispery, low, droney voice in normal conversation with the express goal of making you stand uncomfortably closer to him to hear what he's saying. What makes Bedroom Voice even more creepy is the mind-bending fact that you know this voice would sound better wrapped around words and phrases like "spank me" and "oh yeah that feels soooo good."
It doesn't sound so good asking how your email works after the migration.
Another bad flirting technique:
____ by Association
I say "______" because you can fill this is as needed. For me it's mostly "Ghetto" and/or "That Black." I shall explain.
A guy at old Prestonwoon Mall back in the day actually used these words when flirting with me: Nubian queen; hair like wool; what hood you claim?
I am just not that girl. I get that. I'm fine with that. Sadly, I look like that kind of girl, so I get this a lot.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Love wisdom from Pink (of all people)
So Pink, who's all rebellious and volatile was interviewed about her upcoming "Funhouse" concert -- which in case you missed, has the same "circus" theme as Miss Britney Spears. (Read more on that whole drama.)
But she offers some insightful love advice after her break-up with Mr. Motorcross Carey Hart:
"AP: What did you take away from your time apart?
Pink: We try to protect ourselves from being fully in love and fully open and fully vulnerable, and really all we're doing is protecting ourselves from love and real love and the opportunity to really learn and grow with another person, so it's actually really detrimental, and you think it's helping.
AP: So your advice would be ...
Pink: Dive in. Absolutely, it's not going to kill you."
It's that last part that gets me. I am at my best when I dive in. I'm aces at diving in. I've only met exactly one man/boy/guy who let me do that and never held it against me.
But she offers some insightful love advice after her break-up with Mr. Motorcross Carey Hart:
"AP: What did you take away from your time apart?
Pink: We try to protect ourselves from being fully in love and fully open and fully vulnerable, and really all we're doing is protecting ourselves from love and real love and the opportunity to really learn and grow with another person, so it's actually really detrimental, and you think it's helping.
AP: So your advice would be ...
Pink: Dive in. Absolutely, it's not going to kill you."
It's that last part that gets me. I am at my best when I dive in. I'm aces at diving in. I've only met exactly one man/boy/guy who let me do that and never held it against me.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
It's all fun and games until it harshes your squee
Ah, Facebook, what did we ever do without you? How would we know the five things that terrify all of our friends? How would we ever find out what color defines us? How would we stalk down our high school enemies and future crushes?
But what happens when the realities that Facebook offers destroys the shiny before it has a chance to start? Perhaps it's for the best, as we found out with our latest crush. Our good friend Facebook tried to warn us that maybe the vaguely geeky cute boy we met wasn't perhaps as cute as we remembered. That perhaps we should have found out more about the young man in question for our mutual friend, thereby sparing us the shock of hunting as a hobby.
But we'll still give him a chance. Don't judge a book by it's status updates and all that. But a girl must consider herself warned.
Of course, days from now, we might face the uncomfortable FB defriending.
But what happens when the realities that Facebook offers destroys the shiny before it has a chance to start? Perhaps it's for the best, as we found out with our latest crush. Our good friend Facebook tried to warn us that maybe the vaguely geeky cute boy we met wasn't perhaps as cute as we remembered. That perhaps we should have found out more about the young man in question for our mutual friend, thereby sparing us the shock of hunting as a hobby.
But we'll still give him a chance. Don't judge a book by it's status updates and all that. But a girl must consider herself warned.
Of course, days from now, we might face the uncomfortable FB defriending.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Welcome to Brolllywoodland
Hello, dahlings!
Welcome to Brollywoodland, home of Dahlia Firetwist and Holly Funnygem. It's a strange world, is Brollywoodland. Part your-basic-basement-geek-shop | part perpetual-slumber-party | and part whatever-you-have-hidden-under-your-bed. See? Sorta hot, sorta cool, all sassy and brassy.
Pretty is our playground.
Welcome to Brollywoodland, home of Dahlia Firetwist and Holly Funnygem. It's a strange world, is Brollywoodland. Part your-basic-basement-geek-shop | part perpetual-slumber-party | and part whatever-you-have-hidden-under-your-bed. See? Sorta hot, sorta cool, all sassy and brassy.
Pretty is our playground.
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